A Letter to my Aunt

This is an email I sent to my aunt in 2005. She responded unfavorably, as I only expected. It seems that they’ve gotten to her too:

Dear Aunty Coral,

I’m very suspicious of the strange way that many people are acting towards me, and it’s becoming more and more noticeable with every day.

It’s as though there’s something they think they know about me that negatively affects their attitude towards me. With those who’ve known me for quite some time, this might be explainable, but in the past year or two I’ve noticed that even complete strangers are reacting to me in a manner that goes beyond anything normal, and certainly not justifiable. With careful observation over time, I’ve noticed that these stranger’s reactions to just my mere presence predominantly occurs wherever I normally go, and yet it stops completely if I unexpectedly go somewhere that I don’t normally go. This is no coincidence.

Almost all of the store employees in my neighborhood are extremely rude and unsociable with me, and yet I continually observe them being cordial with everyone else. I constantly receive sneers from strangers on the street in my neighborhood for no other reason than because I made eye contact. Whenever I show politeness or courtesy to strangers on the street, they seem to resent it and are rude in return – even seniors, who by all appearances look like otherwise good people. The homosexual community around here seems to have begun to take a strange interest in me as well, and I can only imagine why that might be.

I’m not seeking sympathy. I’m simply relating my observations.

I know that telling you or anyone else this will likely draw the same response that I’ve heard from others before – that I must have done something to cause this, that somehow my past or my character deserves to be held against me, or that I’m either exaggerating or lying about this and seeking attention. In the worst case, I might be called delusional or even brain-damaged, as my brother Garry chose to assume as soon as I mentioned certain early suspicions to him. I’ve come to expect such responses, but for those who might wish to make them, I can only challenge them to present whatever they have to base their claims on. Garry avoided doing so, and still continues to. As far as I can see, this clearly indicates that there is nothing valid that can be presented as the basis for any such conclusions. Therefore, I remain convinced that my observations are accurate, and feel that those people who try to excuse them as my own fault are heartless and perhaps even covering up some things they know and may even take part in.

I’ve lived most of my life wondering why my family has treated me so badly, and never taken more interest in me than to castigate me for every minor thing. You’ve probably had an earful from certain of them regarding my past misdeeds and how bad a person I supposedly am. However, you haven’t ever heard my defense, and nor have they, because they’ve never made it very clear to me what their accusations against me are, and neither has anybody else. It seems that when it comes to that, it’s suddenly all beyond discussing. How convenient for them to not allow me to be given a fair chance to know what rumors they spread so that I might speak in my defense.

In fact, I’m realizing that my family has always failed to provide anything valid to support the things that I know they’ve said about me, and I’m quite certain at this point that something very underhanded is going on, and has been for far longer than I ever realized. What their full involvement is, I’m not uncertain, but I do know that they’ve been involved in this right up to present. You could probably tell me more than I know myself, but I’m not going to pressure you into telling me. What is, is. There’s nothing I can do about it anyway.

I know that certain parties have been influencing others with lies and distortions in order to turn them against certain others (not just against me, by far!), and I now know how these parties operate. In my own case, this seems to have started with the police, and I can only assume that it has been largely because of my outspoken views in the past about the fascism and corruption that pervades all levels of our government, which I’ve experienced first-hand many, many times. I believe that early on the police filled my mother’s head with all sorts of lies about me, and she told them to do whatever they wanted with me. She threw me to the wolves when I was most troubled by family neglect as a young teenager. This effectively created a spiral of destruction that set me into years of depression and eventually a suicide attempt. If my mother had ever been a real mother to me, she wouldn’t have continually and consistently resorted to yelling and screaming at me with such intense rage over even the smallest things, nor the infinite amounts of psychological abuse with the sorts of comments she would feel so compelled to make where there was nothing to justify them. I know now that she never loved me, and I think she did more damage to both myself and the family as a whole than my father has been blamed for. She turned us all against him, and when he was gone she was already halfway to turning the rest of the family against me. She destroyed the family – not my father, and not me. She resented having so many kids, and being the youngest and the most troubled because of it, I became the object of that resentment.

It may make you feel uncomfortable that I feel this way, and you may even think that it’s not right for me to say these things, but it’s more wrong to hide the truth, no matter how much it might hurt. Enough damage has been done already by everybody involved by keeping their true thoughts and feelings buried, and pretending that everything is normal. Those people who have spoken out aginst me have never bothered to give me a fair chance to defend myself at the time, and yet I still live with the effect of their harsh claims.

Aside from these family issues that seem to have started all this, I’ve been researching this problem I’m currently having for the last four or five years, and I’m finding a great deal of substantiation, not the least of which is that there are thousands of other people who are experiencing the same situation in their own communities, and for apparently similar reasons. But more than that, the method by which we’re being unfairly persecuted is becoming very clear to many of us.

I’m telling you this because I sense that you may have been influenced against me in the same manner that so many others have been, and not just recently, but perhaps even long ago. I sense that you (and everyone else close to me who should know me the best, but don’t seem to be able to see past certain stereotypes) have the view that I am a failure in God’s eyes, and in the eyes of the public, and that I’m somehow a very bad person, and involve myself in very bad things. This seems to be what the rest of my family believes. However, I know that none of it is true.

I bare a burden that shouldn’t be mine, and it takes a lot of strength each day to just go outside and face the world, but I get my strength to do so in knowing that I am actually a very good, moral, fair, honest, and thoughtful person, and I always strive to do right in every action I take. I don’t lie and cheat, as so many others seem to be able to do so easily and without the slightest concern about it. I don’t covet other people’s possessions. I don’t take part in immoral acts. Looking at how others around me act, I know by the simple fact that they don’t choose to understand things any way other than the way that suits them and for nothing more than their own greater benefit, that they won’t ever take the time to look at things fairly and logically, and would rather distort the facts so that what they say sounds believable or acceptable when it’s not.

What do people say about me behind my back? I don’t know, but if someone tells me that nobody is saying anything, I’m almost certain that that person is lying and knows what is being said, but is afraid to tell me, in spite of the fact that they should. That’s immoral to keep such things secret. It’s equivalent to lying and cheating.

Does any of this make me paranoid? Perhaps it would if it made me fearful, but it doesn’t. I’ve been accused of paranoia by my brother Garry, who again couldn’t support his claim and avoided allowing me to defend myself against that and all his other hurtful accusations that he’s made of me – all obviously based on whispered rumors, quick assumptions, and a runaway imagination. This is the sort of response I’m resolved to expect from anyone who has enough courage to speak against me to my face. They have nothing to support the lies that they hold about me. I’m not the one who runs and hides from my own words – they are. You need to guard yourself against such talk, even if it comes from family. What sort of family attempts to destroy one of its own?

I can’t worry about what people might think of me after a certain point, because if they aren’t going to reveal what they think they know about me and by which they choose to judge me, I have no way of even beginning to defend myself. The authoritative parties that are doing these things to myself and many others know that they are trusted by those they say things to. Those that trust them fear them enough to never reveal what has been said. Those people are cowards. They can’t look evil in the face and call it what it is. They don’t even recognize it for what it is.

This is a form of terrorism that is increasingly being played on society. The intent is to have the public punish certain individuals where no crime has actually been committed. The end of society as we know it is coming quickly and Satan’s minions seek to raise the levels of fear and chaos to the point where we’ll all be distracted by such petty things and fighting amongst ourselves when he finally reveals his true identity and attempts to take claim to all of our souls. Few people will see what’s coming, and I truly hope that you will be one of them.

Currently, I’m living like a sex offender must live when an entire community is notified that he is moving into the area, but in my case, I haven’t done anything to merit this. Those who are creating this situation have been given the power to do these things without the victims ever being able to do anything about it, even when they discover that they are a targeted victim, and even if they discover how it’s being accomplished.

Let me give you some idea of how I know this is happening to me.

1) I completely stopped using the name ‘Kim’ when I moved downtown in 2005, and yet, since then, I have fairly often come across people who for no explainable reason have called me by that name. I have kept that name very secret because I personally hate it, and I have absolutely no associations with anybody who ever knew me by that name – except family. How can it be a coincidence that they call me that when it’s such an uncommon name for a man and I’ve never given anybody the ability to know about it? It seems more likely that either the police or my own family have something to do with this.

2) As I mentioned earlier, complete strangers are becoming more and more antagonistic towards me, for no apparent reason at all. I’ve been assaulted very frequently in the last two years by complete strangers. These attacks always seem to happen just after I speak out publicly (usually on the Internet) about what’s occurring to me. In fact, I was assaulted the day after I put my first book online. That particular book is about these things that I’m telling you are occurring to myself and many others.

3) Certain parties have been breaking into my room regularly since I moved in here five years ago, and although they don’t usually take anything or leave many signs of having been here, I’ve seen enough evidence of the fact to know that I’m not imagining anything. There’s more that I know that will verify this, but I can’t trust anybody enough to reveal what it is at this point, other than I’ve caught certain things on video.

4) Immediately after I installed a surveillance camera in my room because of the break-ins, I found the camera knocked off the wall where I had placed it above my door, after the very first time I went out. The videotape was also rewound to erase whatever had been recorded. The next time I went out, I moved the camera to the other side of the room and put tape over the remote sensor on the VCR so that nobody could turn the machine off without doing so manually (they could otherwise use a universal remote to turn it off before entering). When I returned home, the tape had been removed and the machine was shut off. Again, the recording was erased.

5) People in my building try to engage me in conversations about certain things that I write about on my computer, yet these are subjects that these people don’t otherwise seem to have any interest in and don’t seem to even understand the subjects well enough to discuss them. It always seems as though they’re mocking me when they bring these things up. Although I write about these things, I don’t make them topics of conversation with anyone. I’m quite private about my personal activities and interests.

6) The police have continually refused to lay charges when I’ve been assaulted and have been able to identify the assaulter. Instead, they tell me that I first have to go to court to get a judge to agree to lay charges. The police have also avoided any discussion with me regarding the break-ins. When I mention anything about ‘community notification lists’ (see below), they find a reason to excuse themselves from any further conversation, and quickly leave.

7) Given the fact that the police used to take every opportunity to harass me for whatever minor reason they might come up with when I lived in Richmond, since I’ve been living downtown and subjected to these strange ongoing occurrences, I can’t seem to get them to notice me at all, even though they’re everywhere. This sudden change is very obvious to me.

8) Certain people that I suspect are involved in this, or who I suspect are at least in communication with those parties who are instigating these things against me, take an inordinately long time before responding to me through emails or phone calls, as though they are under orders to inform these instigators of the fact that they are about to interact with me, and are perhaps being coached in how to deal with me. Recently, I’ve noticed this particularly with family members. They seem to be keeping further distance from me than ever before.

I could go on and on about all of the various things that add up to some very suspicious activities, but I’m not going to try to convince you that these things are going on. I’m just stating that they are. The fact is, certain parties that operate within the government and business sectors, as well as through individuals and groups within every sector of the community, are using ‘community notification lists’ to target certain individuals for whatever reason. These lists were originally designed to make communities feel safer by informing them of ‘dangerous’ individuals in the area, such as pedophiles and murderers, but they’ve since become a conduit for exacting punishment on anybody who poses any sort of threat to exposing or going against the reality of the situation we are now living in. That these lists would ever make anyone feel safer is a ridiculous excuse for using them, and they only serve to make communities feel threatened and to make it appear that crime is that much closer and more pervasive and real than it actually is, and yet we continue to accept such methods of ‘justice’.

These ‘notification lists’ are beyond immoral, because anyone (including a person as innocent of any real wrongdoing as yourself) can be put on one for any perceived excuse, and from that point on, life becomes much more difficult. The people on these lists aren’t ever notified that they were put on one either, and it’s only been through coming together to tell our similar stories that any of us have learned about these methods that the government and business sectors have started to use to target ‘undesirables’. It’s the exact same method that was used in Stalinist Russia by the KGB, in East Germany by the Stasi secret police, and particularly in Nazi Germany by the Gestapo to seek out and round up ‘undesirable’ Jews. It’s a fascist method of turning entire communities into self-policing spy networks, where everyone is watching everyone else and snitching on them for special privileges. Only now, whole communities are also exacting the punishments against targeted people for perceived crimes that may not have actually occurred. This saves in the cost to government for maintaining justice in the way it’s supposed to be handled. The police are essentially giving certain ‘favored’ people and groups free license to do whatever they want to those individuals who end up on these lists, while they look the other way.

The first reaction I would expect you or anyone else to have to what I’m telling you is that I must be delusional to be saying these things, but for such a conclusion to be fair, it should first require that all the evidence (physical and otherwise) that I’ve collected so far would be able to be explained in a more rational and logical manner than I can do in using it to support my beliefs.

The parties that are responsible for these things will have you ridicule what I say, and will try to convince you not to waste your time considering any of it, and have you believe that I’m deluded. But would it be fair to listen to them when they must speak about me in secrecy and never in my presence, and say things that they do not really know, while I’m willing to speak openly about these things and the deeper reasons for them? Should we trust logic and reason, or follow authority blindly?

Jesus didn’t fear the truth, even to his death, and nor will I. I have his strength within me, and his wisdom, and he comforts me where others would see me suffer. This is the only thing that has kept me going for the last five years of this, slowly watching it increase for no apparent reason.

I just hope that you’ll believe me in what I’m telling you, and that you won’t be deceived by what snakes can only whisper from the shadows. I’m closer to God than you or anyone else might think. I’m telling you this because you are the only person I have who I was ever certain loved me.

I love you too.